I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
