But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
