i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
