I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
