sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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