Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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