Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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