Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
