I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
