And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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