I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
