he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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