I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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