He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
