I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
