apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
