So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
