If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
cat food counts as protein by the way
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
