i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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