just tell him i said nine months
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
