Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
After last night, I could never be a politician.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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