My hand turned me down
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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