Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
