Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
