What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
