After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
