Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
