I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
