You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
