He disabled his match.com account in front of me
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
