he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
