ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You ruined the universe
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
