I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
