The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He's a Shit stain on my heart
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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