Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
