I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
