There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
