I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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