So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
