I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
