Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
