I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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