It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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