Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
