What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I wear drunk well.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
