Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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