I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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