I need help removing her.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
