Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
