Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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