In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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