I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
