If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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