Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize