how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
