omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
