According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
