i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
