that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
