I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
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