I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
