you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
