Will you blow on my dice?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize