I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i think i have two assholes
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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