We're like a lot better than the average bears
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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