Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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