Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize