Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
