Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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